Language skills

Schiess - this is not a mormon swearword.  It is actually a German swearword.  I didn't spell it right on purpose though.  That way I feel less guilty!

I was very fortunate to be able to travel quite a bit when I was younger.  I traveled through Europe and loved the language, the culture and the people.  One of my favorite places was Germany.  It is such a beautiful country with such a tragic history and incredibly wonderful people.  Plus, bratwurst.  Need I say more? 

Most of you are aware that young Mormon boys and girls go out and serve missions for the church.  What that means is that they go away for at least 1 1/2 years to teach people about the gospel and the blessings it brings.  With that being said, most young missionaries want to go someplace foreign.  Can you blame them?  Being called on a mission to Akron, Ohio isn't nearly as exciting as Paris, France!  With the foreign missions, the missionaries have to learn the language. 

Which brings me to my point.  I think it's hilarious that some people will swear, but just in another language.  It's not swearing if it isn't your native tongue, right?  I will on occasion say something in German or French.  Sadly enough, when I say something in German or French, I probably am not making sense since I can't remember a whole lot of the language.  But again, it's not real since it isn't English.  I have a great friend that will get frustrated and mumble in Italian (he served his mission in Rome).  I don't know what he is saying, obviously, but I wonder.....is he swearing?  Can I blame him?  No, since I have been known to do the same.  Oscar the grouch served his mission speaking Spanish.  But I've never heard him swear in it.  At least I don't think he has since he is also Mr. Innocent. 

On a totally different topic, I vowed I would never marry a man who spoke a Spanish speaking mission.  I also vowed I wouldn't marry a man whose last name started with the letter "H."  I hate writing cursive "H."  Or who weighed less than me.  Schiess, I did all three!

Driving on the roads...

Bugger (MSW) - I think this is an actual swearword in other parts of the world.  I use this to convey my frustrations instead of American swearwords.  Of course, if you live in the other part of the world where it is a swearword, you'll have to find something else.

I live in a lovely suburb of Salt Lake City.  It's a great neighborhood.  We're close to the mountains, close to parks and schools.  For the most part, I enjoy living here.  But I have a few bones to pick with the "founding fathers" of the area.  OK, not so much them, but the idiots who installed to roadways.  I've decided that they were dumber than a box of rocks.

On my way to take my son to his cross country practice at 6:45 am, I counted 17 man hole covers in a 2 block drive.  And that was just on one side of the road!  On the way back, the other side of the road had 16!  What idiot was the one who planned that out?!  Really, 33 man hole covers, in 2 blocks?  Why?  Were the people who planned the road really that stupid?  They re-paved the road several years ago, but still 33 ways to access the area.  Couldn't they fix the area and try to combine the access so there were less man hole covers?  It drives me insane.  I try to avoid them simply because one of my tires keeps going flat.  So basically, at 6:45 am, I look like a drunk driver trying to avoid all the man hole covers.  I am swerving all over and look like a total blonde.  I am a blonde, but heck, I don't want to look like one!

So, I have issues.  I will get over it.  But what little bugger planned that out?!

Searching for Pooh!

Poop (MSW) - if you can't guess what this word is, I think you may need some help. 

One of the kids favorite joke is the following:

Why was Piglet playing in the toilet?  He was looking for Pooh!

The other night Apple was at her friends house.  I usually want her home at 10:30 pm.  She called at 10 and said, can you pick me up in a 1/2 hour?  Are you kidding me?  Your friend lives 8 or 9 houses away?  You can walk, you lazy woman!  We live in a nice neighborhood and it's lit up relatively well.  But I was being nice, so I said I would walk over to get her.  Yes, I am the nicest mom in the whole world!

Well, the time came and I thought I would take my dog with me.  It was going to be a 15 minute walk at best, so I just put him on the leash and went out.  About 6 houses into the walk, the dog goes to the bathroom.  In the front of my neighbor/friends house.  At 10:30 at night.  And it's dark.  And I don't have a bag to clean it up with.  What do you do?!  I picked up my daughter from her friend's house and asked if they had a grocery bag I could use.  Well, that solved one problem.  On the walk back, I had to search for the pooh.  Literally.  Their house is kind of darker and in some shadows.  Anyone looking out their windows would think I'm a crazy woman.  I am scanning the area trying to look for it.  Checking by all the trees because I remember that much, it was by a tree in the front yard.  I'm sure my neighbors think I'm nuts.  But I found the pooh! 

Touched the butt.....at bare lake!

Butt (MSW) - this is actually a swearword at out house.  Butt or bum is not to be used.  Oscar the grouch finds them very offensive.  I don't find them offensive and will say them on occasion.  Of course, most non-Mormons use the word a**. 

We had our first camping trip ever this weekend!  We have never gone before.  We either didn't have time or money to do this, nor the gear.  So we bought a tent several years ago and said let's do it!  It takes us that long to follow through.  Sad, isn't it?

We went up to Bear Lake in Northern Utah.  Not bare lake though.  No nakedness, thank heavens!  I just put that up to make you look!  It worked, didn't it? We went with several families and had a blast!

The drive was supposed to be non-eventful.  Yeah, supposed to be is the key there.  We went up through Wyoming and Oscar had to make sure we stopped to take pictures.

Then, he noticed that our van was close to reaching 100k miles.  Of course, we had to stop and take pictures of that too.  He even took pictures of the road kill that we found when we stopped to take pictures!  That man.....too funny!

The lake was cold but beautiful.  Our camping spot was very close to the beach, so it was great.  We had 3 "cabanas" set up so the grown ups could stay in the shade while the kids swam, dug in the sand and played.  It worked out great. 

Now, here is the part where we touched the butt!  There was a buoy out in the water for the swimmers not to pass.  Do you remember "Finding Nemo," where they found a boat and called it a butt?  Well, we called the buoy a butt.  I told the kids to go out and touch the butt!

And they did, repeatedly.  They had so much fun!  Cheese even said it was the best vacation ever!  And we were only there for 2 days. 

You can barely see the butt!

On Saturday, the digging began for the huge hole.  It became a fascination for Cheese.  He had to get it deep enough for him to fit his whole body into.  Well, at least he had a goal and achieved it, right?

We came home exhausted and totally sunburned.  Yep, sounds about right!  Here are a few more photos of the experience.

Feeding the carp at the Marina

I have to tell you.  But the end of the day, the buoy was changed from butt to boobie.  So instead of touching the butt, it was touching the boobie.  Let's just say, that's when it got out of hand.  "I'm going to grab that boobie and never let go!"  was something I overheard.  Yep, not good.  Just another day at bare lake!

Big Day!

Shut the front door! (MSW) - this is usually an expletive using holy _____.  You can fill in the blank with the naughty word of your choosing.  My catholic family usually uses holy sh**. 

This last week we had some big happenings at our house.  As usual, everything happens the same week.  Why?  I just wish stuff was spread out to enjoy things more and to give each kid the attention they need, deserve, etc...  Hmm, where to begin?  In order of the happenings or in order of importance?  Who cares!

Apple turned 15!!  Yes the big day is today, Thursday.  Apple is becoming such a great young women.  I am amazed at how far she has come.  She has a great sense of humor and can be so helpful to me and her brothers and sisters.  At least when she wants to be!!  We are so proud of her!

Macaroni got his driver's license.  Get off the roads!!  He is so excited and wants to drive everywhere.  I think he drove to McDonalds 3 times that day.  First, he had to have breakfast, so he went there.  Even though we have a boatload of food at our house!  Then, at lunch time his sister begged him to take her there.  Afterall, it was her birthday.  Then later that night, he needed a snack.  Again I say, what about the food we have here!  I know in about 2 weeks he'll be saying he doesn't want to drive there again.

Last, but not least, Cheese got elected to be on student council for his school.  We are so proud of him!  He's in 6th grade.  He had to be approved by the faculty, make posters and write an essay.  That's a big job for an 11 year old.  He is so excited. 

Shut the front door!  It's been a busy week for the kids here!

Surprise Inheritance!

Idaknow and Wuzuntme - these are not Mormon Swearwords (MSW).  These are parenthood swearwords.  And they are not tolerated in my house!

Years ago, Oscar the grouch and I received an inheritance.  An adoption of sorts.  Unexpected twins.  I don't know the date of the arrival because there was no paperwork.  I don't even know the nationality of these twins, they just appeared in our house one day and never left.  No lawyers, no legal fees, no nothing.  It's a miracle that they are still here and no authorities have come to take them away.  They come and go at their leisure and must love the comfort, love and peace of our home.  Let me tell you a little about these two unseen bundles of joy!

Me to Macaroni one day....."Who opened a box of granola bars and left out all the wrappers and didn't through anything away?!"  Macaroni's response..."Wuzentme!"  That darn kid!  Wuzentme left a huge mess and when it came time to clean up, he disappears!  He must be German with that name.  And he didn't even bring bratwurst!

Another example ....me to Apple the other day...."Apple, do you know who belongs to all the flip-flops, sandals and tennis shoes by the front door?"   "Idaknow!"  Wow, Idaknow has a ton of shoes and never puts them away.  No more shopping for that kid!  The trouble is, I don't remember buying shoes for Idaknow!

"Cheese, did you forget to empty the dishwasher?"   "No, Wuzentme!"  Cheese replies.  Hmm, I could of sworn it was his turn!  Wuzentme is never there for chore time.....why did this inheritance happen to me?!

Whine asked this morning where her book order form was.  You know, those book orders teachers send home to torment the parents.  "Please mom, I want that book so bad!  If you buy it for me, I promise I'll put it away.  I have to have it!"  Blah, Blah, Blah...  I think the form mysteriously disappeared in the garbage can the day after it came home.  "Where's my form!", she hollars once again. My answer, "Idaknow!"  See, two can play at this game!  After all, Wuzentme!