Shopping!

Jack Wad  (MSW) - see also, Jackwagon.  Another term for jack***.

So, a shopping I went!  I started off at Walmart at 9:30 pm on Thanksgiving.  The place was nuts.  You would think that it would be more organized.  Black Friday has been happening for years and they still haven't figured it out.  Crazy store!  But I got the few things I wanted and then met my sisters-in-law in line for Target.

Target, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways!  First and foremost, they have the black Friday shopping down to a science!  Thank you dear store!!  When the store opened, they had people go into the store in large groups.  No chaos, no screaming, no sitting by an item and then diving into it like a wacko.  So we went in, got the few things I needed and waited for maybe 10 minutes to check out.  I was in and out of the store in 30 minutes.  I love you Target!

Next on to Kohl's.  This store has no concept on how to handle crowds.  I got in line as soon as I arrived and sent Macaroni and Apple off to get the needed items.  It took over an hour to just get near the register!  I haven't decided if it was worth it or not.  We got out of there at almost 2 am.  Although, I did get the deal of the day here.  I spent $38 on a $300 item. YEAH me!!

Off to the mall.  I can't believe how many people were at the mall after 2 am!  I also can't believe that people dragged their young kids with them.  Are you off your rocker?!  It's 2 am!  Of course your toddler is tired and crabby!  It's the middle of the night!  Stupid people shouldn't breed!!

At 3:30 am, we were starving.  Denny's had too long of a wait so we went to burger king and grabbed some food.  By 4 am, we met up with my sister-in-law again.  She took apple with her and macaroni and I came home to bed.  I was way too tired to continue.  By 1 in the afternoon, I went out again.  I know, I'm nuts.  But, I'm almost done with all my shopping!  Go me!

Jack Wad?  These are the people that jumped in front of us at Target!  I was so mad!  Here we are waiting for 2 hours and some chick went right in front of us when the line started to move.  So incredibly rude!  I believe in karma.....it's going to kick her in the butt!  Hmm....maybe I should change my name to Karma so I can do it!  Stupid Jack Wad!!

A Very Thankful Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving all!  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  An excuse to watch football and eat all day.  Sounds perfect! 

There is so much to be grateful for this time of year.  I have a wonderful family and 4 great kids.  They drive me insane, but I love them so much.  I have a beautiful home with awesome neighbors.  I live in a country where we are free to worship as we choose.  I live in a state that boasts the greatest snow on earth.  All this plus I live in a time where there is air conditioning and central heat. 

I miss my family in Wisconsin every year at this time.  I sure miss them, but know that they are safe and happy.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Again?!

Garbage (MSW) - again, use any expletive you can think of.

Remember how I told you about Whine waking up sick a few weeks ago?  Well, it's now Cheese's turn.  I'm sure the whole house will get it eventually.  And right around Thanksgiving!  Bummer!

I guess I shouldn't complain.  Cheese is old enough to recognize when he feels yucky and runs to the bathroom.  Pretty much no mess for me to deal with.  Plus he doesn't complain and moan as much as Whine did.  So age does have it's benefits!  He's playing on the computer right now, so I think things are looking up for us.

What are your plans for the Holiday Weekend?  First, and most importantly, me and the kids will watch the Packer game!  I love me some Aaron Rodgers!  Then we will go to Oscar's parents house for an early lunch/dinner.  We always have plenty of food and fun.  My kids favorite is the game of bingo.  We play bingo and win prizes.  Once a prize is won, someone else can pick a new prize or steal one from someone else.  It gets rather intense with 17 grand kids there.  The adults are worse! 

Friday I will stimulate the economy by shopping till I collapse.  I save up money during the year for Christmas.  Then, I spend the boat-load of it on Friday.  I love deals!  I will probably start at midnight and see where I go from there.  If all goes as planned, I could be done Christmas shopping by noon the next day!  Let me get a few things straight though.  I do NOT go stampeding into stores.  I do NOT trample over others to get what I want.  I do NOT fight with anyone about a product.  If someone else is there at the same time for the item, they can have it.  I hate people who do those things and I refuse to become a part of it!  But  I do love to have a day where I spend all the money I've been saving for the whole year.  I splurge on my kids and try to spoil them just a little. 

Saturday and Sunday?  I try to recuperate!  Garbage!  I have to work on Saturday!  I guess I'll have to recuperate on Sunday.

Rats!!

Rats!  (MSW) - you can use the expletive of your choice!

I've told you about the changing weather here in Utah.  It's getting cold.  Fall/winter weather is here.  What does that mean?  Well, it means the ski slopes are open for business.  But it also means that critters of all kinds are attracted to the warmth and comfort of the indoors.  Luckily, the ear wigs are no longer alive, so I don't have to worry about them.  It's critters of another kind that we have to worry about.

When it gets cold, I have a hard time staying warm.  The thing that works the best is a hot bath.  I have a huge jetted tub too.  I fill it up with bubbles and sit in there until I get "prune-like."  The other night, I decided I was freezing and went to fill up the tub.  The problem?  Someone else was using it.  Namely, a spider.  I know what you're thinking.....it's just a spider, get over it!  This wasn't a little spider like the ones we would get in Wisconsin.  This was about the size of a quarter.  To me, that is huge.  I hate spiders!!!!  I gave the spider a large bath and he/she washed down the drain.  Yucky! 

After Halloween, we noticed something else.  My son thought he saw something in the pantry.  He swore he did.  To make sure, we put up a trap.  Sure enough, a little mouse was caught!  Apple named the critter Maggie and was horrified that we had trapped it.  I told her my policy of co-habitation.  Only people and a few dogs are allowed to live with us.  Anything other than that is out of here!  I will kill critters if they try living off of me and my house!  I've never had a mouse in the house before.  I'm now paranoid.  I thought my house was clean!  I thought I was a good housekeeper! 

Did I mention that we are having a party here tomorrow night for 40 people?  Rats!  I sure hope it's the end of critter issues! 

Utah....We're so Vain!

Utah Oddity - Vanity

I will get to the Utah Oddity in a moment.  First I thought I would catch up on the happenings of the week.  As usual, life has been crazy.  Last week started off with a bang.  We had dinner with our friends who, for the past 3 years, were serving as Mission Presidents in Japan.  They invited us over for a Japanese feast.  It was delicious! 

Unfortunately, things went downhill from there.  Whine (Prairie Dawn) woke up last week throwing up.  So I spent the day cleaning up.  Nothing like washing everything in her room to make sure it's clean.  Not fun.  A few days later, Macaroni (Beaker) was sick.  Luckily, his is more of a flu/cold issue.  Not a stomach flu/vomiting thing.  Needless to say, I didn't get much done as far as house and life goes.  I hate those kind of weeks.  But things are looking up, so I can't complain.  Well,  let me put it this way, I CAN complain, but I WON'T!

On to the Utah Oddity!  Year's ago, I was watching a TV show about the 7 deadly sins.  You know what I'm talking about right?  The Cardinal Sins - wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony.    Each sin was assigned a city.  Basically, each city was the "capital" for that sin.  Salt Lake City was #1 for pride or vanity.  I was shocked!  But then, I heard the research.  It was bad!  SLC has the most plastic surgeons per capita.  There are more plastic surgeons here per person than Los Angeles. 

I started thinking about it.  How many people did I know that had plastic surgery?  All of a sudden, I figured out that I knew a ton of people who have had plastic surgery.  Wow, I was shocked.  Out of about 10 neighbors surrounding me, about 3 or 4 have had "work done."  That's 30-40%.  That's pretty high!  If you count Lasik eye surgery, it would increase a ton!  (I don't include that though, since I had Lasik done and I am so not vain!  Let me rephrase that, I do WANT to be vain, but I can't afford to be!)  Now, if you include my friends and neighbors who WANT work done, the numbers would be outrageous!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think there is anything wrong with plastic surgery.  Whatever turns your crank is my opinion on the subject.  Utah, we are SO VAIN!  That song was written about us!  (Name that song!)

Muppet Identity Crisis

HiHo Kermit the Frog here....
I thought you might like a view from the other side of this blog -- the Oscar point of view. What follows is how I compare our family to the Muppets.
I opened the blog with Kermit because I am not an "Oscar the Grouch" (as has been implied by the jewel of our relationship - "Big Bird"). I am much more similar to Kermit the Frog. I am much less hairier than Oscar. Kermit doesn't have hair on his head and neither do I. Kermit has a funny, off-the-wall sense of humor and so do I. Kermit is the kind of guy that likes to think he is in charge and does a pretty good job at it but often times gets overruled by those around him. He takes it all in stride but sometimes plays the "victim card" for sympathy.  I do that too. It isn't easy being green.

Big Bird is my wife and primary artistic director of this blog.  I know I know, some people say that the character Big Bird is a male, but the voice of the character is actually played by a woman, so there you have it; Big Bird is a woman and is quite the chick I might add. I actually think that Miss Piggy is more appropriate for my wife.  Now,  wait a minute... Don't get me wrong here... I will explain... Miss Piggy has beautiful blond hair, so does my wife. Miss Piggy is a strong willed character who knows exactly what she wants, so does my wife. Miss Piggy absolutely adores Kermit. So does my wife. Miss Piggy weighs more than Kermit. So does my wife (not a slam to my wife, she already mentioned this in a previous blog so I am merely quoting...). Side note: Kermit is really skinny but I am NOT so skinny -- oops on that one.  Miss Piggy loves European shopping. So does my wife. Miss Piggy makes big sacrifices when it comes right down to true life stuff. So does my wife. Kermit loves Miss Piggy and so does this one to that one. Miss Piggy is a good thing. And so is my wife.

My son "Macaroni" is a tall lanky teenager who actually looks like Beaker. Short orange spikey hair and all. You know, Beaker the one that goes "me me me me me" all the time.  Well that is what Macaroni says too but in a different sort of way -- Me Me Me Me!; he has a rather high opinion of himself. Beaker is a smart unassuming assistant that is kinda quiet (except for the "Me Me Me" part.) and Macaroni also is really smart, very helpful and unassuming and is kinda quiet in normal life situations - home is not normal life, so he isn't quiet at home.

The daughter "Apple" is really similar to Janice. You know who Janice is. She is the cool hip long haired spacey girl in the Muppet band.  Janice likes accessories and so does Apple. Janice is rather independent and so is my teenage daughter. My teenage daughter is proud of her skinny figure and Janice is too. Janice is helpful to the muppet clan and my daughter is really helpful too. Janice smiles alot and so does my daughter.

Cheese is much more similar Gonzo than Kermit and Miss Piggy would care to admit but you really do have to come to grips and actually admit it.  Cheese is very similar to Gonzo. Gonzo is one of the most unique characters ever to cross the muppet stage.  My son is the same way.  Our stage has never been the same since he came into our family. Gonzo likes chickens.  So does our son. He has been known to be associated with his alter ego online as Bongo Chicken - go figure... My son likes KFC (sorry Gonzo... but it is chicken none the less). Gonzo is fun loving and is quite overly dramatic. So is our son.  Everyone likes Gonzo and so it is with my son too.

Whine, she is the youngest of all the muppets in our family. I think she is most like Prairie Dawn.  While not a widely known character, Prairie Dawn would be instantly recognized the moment you saw her.  Prairie Dawn is mostly seen on Sesame Street and not so much on the actual Muppet Show. Prairie Dawn has beautiful blond hair and so does my daughter. She is so loving and kind and tender, just like my daughter. Prairie Dawn is a leader in her own circles and my daughter definitely has her own circles too. Prairie Dawn is artistic; just ask my kitchen refrigerator about the art of my youngest daughter tacked all over it. No lack of talent there.  In fact, Prairie Dawn is often seen being involved in pageants and other artistic endeavors, and of course so is my daughter.

So there you have it.
My view of the family that you have all come to know through this happy sarcastic sometimes irreverent blog.
So long. Kermit the Frog signing off for now....

Politics

Utah Oddity - Politics

In general, I don't like politics.  I vote and do my civic duty, but politics really bug me.  Why?  Because it comes down to who you know and who can scratch your back the best.  This week I've been dealing with a lot of politics. 

Yes, it was voting week this week.  But the politics that have been bugging me is with the high school.  You see, our high school excels in sports and athletics.  But it is all political.  Unless you know the coach or he knows you or the family, there isn't a chance for you.  My son tried out for basketball.  He has been trying since 9th grade.  Our old neighbor happened to be hired as the assistant coach when he was in 9th grade.  I asked him about my son, Macaroni and his chances for the team.  He told me, flat out, that Macaroni didn't have a chance at making the team.  He said that team has been picked since the 3rd grade.  He said Macaroni was a great player, but since the team has already been picked, they won't even look at him.  And they didn't.  He didn't make the team that year. 

Macaroni loves basketball and works on his skills all the time.  He was hoping that this year it would be different.  And it was.  This year, a coach took HIM aside, and told him how great he was playing and how much he has improved his skills, etc.  Then told him that they were not picking any juniors for the team.  Yep, again.  POLITICS!!  But, both Macaroni and I agree, that this is their loss.  They are missing a great example of strength, determination and power.  Macaroni does not give up.  He gives it his all.  That's what I love about that kid.

I remember some political stuff in high school.  But not nearly to the extent of this.  And it's not just in the basketball program.  It's in soccer, football and baseball.  Both boys and girls sports.  I don't know if it happens in other states.  But it's BAD here in Utah.  It's one of the many oddities here.

Kids...can't live with them.....

Chicken Nugget (MSW) - this doesn't sound like a swearword at all. Read the story below.

Since I started this blog, my kids have been more odd than normal. I'm not sure if it's because of me, my sarcasm and this blog, or if it's just their natural age progression and maturity. Maybe it's Oscar who has been rather loud and obnoxious as of late. Doesn't matter why. Any way you look at it, it's pretty funny.

First it was Apple and the word hassle. She still thinks she is hilarious. Then Macaroni chimed in. He thought a swearword should be banana. He was like. That would be great! (saying with attitude and a little swagger) You stupid banana! What, what did you call me?! Yeah, you heard me, you banana! Oh no you didn't! Yes, I did! Let's take this outside!!

Then, this morning, Whine said I should use the work chicken nugget. Why, I have no idea. Basically they are just taking any word and trying to make it sound like a naughty word with their attitude and demeanor. My kids are weird-o's!

Silly chicken nuggets!

Mother of the Year

Momma (MSW) - any expletive you can think of. Examples, son of a momma, Oh momma!, etc...

Today is my day off from work. I only work part-time, but it's a lot to do, work 26 hours, take care of 4 kids and 2 dogs, keep the house clean, get the laundry done, and everything. I have an awesome job. I work as a customer service rep for a contact lens company. The best part is that I work from home. I get to sit around in my pajamas and talk to people through-out the country. I love the company I work for as well. So life is good, right?

Since today is my day off, I try to play catch up from the things I didn't get done previously. You know, get the shopping done, finished folding the last batch of laundry. But today I decided I get the title of Mother of the Year. Why, you may ask?

About 40 minutes ago, my daughter, Whine, called me from school and informed me that she forgot her lunch and wasn't interested in the hot lunch. She had lunch in 10 minutes and could I drop it off at the school? Not too hard, right? Well, I was literally in the shower when she called. I just turned off the water when I heard the phone. I jumped out, sopping wet and naked to answer the phone. (Please don't include a visual of that. It just ain't pretty.) I quickly got dried off, dressed and ran to none other than McDonald's. I showed up at the school with a hot and some what delicious lunch for her (she can afford the calories and fat, she weighs about 40 lbs. and is 8 years old). Of course, I showed up looking like a whack job. I had sweats and t-shirt on with my extremely wet hair pulled back, still dripping on my t-shirt. I could have been a part of a wet t-shirt contest! (Another visual that scares me!) See, I should be mother of the year!

Yesterday, I would have been pet owner of the year. I was working from home, in my comfy home office. It was a nice quiet day. I was curled up in my pajamas, with my bright orange blanket wrapped around me. I was thinking about stealing my kids Halloween candy. It sounded yummy and who needs a diet, right? That's when Oscar's dog comes in and pukes at my feet. I almost hurled right there, but instead threw the dog outside first. See, I'm the pet owner of the year! I cleaned up the mess, while working and talking with a customer and trying not to vomit.

Oh momma! I am mother/pet owner of the year!

Obituaries

Utah Oddity - Obituaries

You know the joke that says obituaries would be so much better if they wrote how the person died? Well, in Utah, that isn't a joke. Most obituaries actually do say how the person passed away.

I'm probably a freak, but I read the obits almost every day. I look for young people and see how they passed. Sometimes it will list a blog detailing their illness. I will go and read it. I will sometimes cry along with them. But it is a Oddity here in Utah because the obituaries are like stories. When I go visit my family in Wisconsin, it is nothing like Utah.

Man, I live in a strange state!